It’s in the parents’ top priority to get their children emotions regulated well. The reason is that unregulated emotions can make the children to get off track and act out. Unfortunately, most of the parents strictly prohibit their children to act out or cry, and term it the emotional regulation.
It is worth remembering that child’s behavior is just a symptom. The inner emotion is the real culprit that incites your child to act out or cry. So, when you urge your child to stop crying immediately, you are actually making it difficult for him to regulate his emotions. The reason that you may be able to quiet your child at the moment but you cannot help him control the feeling which is upsetting him. As an immediate effect, your child would think about that emotion being something shameful or scary. As a result, he will try to learn how to hide this emotion. Remember, suppression of behavior prompts a person to lose conscious control over the emotion, and then he starts to act out.
Simply put, children would be unable to regulate their emotions not because we allow or disallow them to express what they feel. It’s more about children’s mindset which makes them think that they cannot express their emotions. As a result, they act out.
Self-regulation comes from parents
We cannot expect our kids to be good in regulating emotions if we are not good in it. Hence, if you are a parent of the child who is too young to be left alone, you can find your quality time with your child as the best duration in which you can regulate your emotions. You would have tough days in your life. At the end of each one of those days, you can come to your child and start playing with him/her. That will surely give you some relief.
If you are the parent of a little grown up kid, you can consider getting parenting time-outs to find some peace of mind. Remember, suppressing the yelling wouldn’t help you regulate the emotions. Instead, you can breathe out that bad feeling by calming your mind. At the end, you will no longer be an upset person.
Encourage your children to talk about emotions
If you are open about your emotions and feelings in front of your children, your children would be emotionally intelligent. This expression would encourage them to express what they feel in front of you. Another benefit of this practice is that you will be able to keep the relationship with your children strong. You can also talk about other people with your kids just to teach them the words which would help them in emotional expression. For instance, consider the following sentence which you can asy to your children.
“That little boy in the stroller is crying….I wonder what’s wrong? What do you think he needs?”
Teaching them words which can be associated with the emotions is a good thing to do. But, you cannot do it when they are angry. If you do it, your children will feel that they are being judged; and it is certainly going to make the situation much worse. The best thing to do in this scenario is to accept the emotional swing your child is riding on by acknowledging.